Ladies Night

            Last week I was introduced to Carol Malone. She is an author. Hurray for authors. Her first novel, Ladies Night, caught my attention because it is listed as a “Fight Card Romance.” Have you ever heard of one of those before? I hadn’t.

            Those of you who have followed my blog for any time probably know that I exhibit a keen interest in genre crossing. No. It’s not anything like street crossing, but if genre crossing guard position ever opens up—I want it.

            At first glance, boxing and romance seem to be worlds apart. I decided that I had to interview Carol and find out more about this intriguing combination. So, without further delay allow me to introduce Carol Malone.

 

1) What gave you the idea to combine boxing and romance into the same story?

A1) Before I answer that, let me say Randy, thank you for allowing me the privilege of being featured on your blog. I’m sure I’m not your usual suspect. 

 
Anyway, to answer the question. I have been forever reading boxing stories where the girl friends whine and moan that he’s going to get hurt or killed and she wants him to quit and do something else. I dislike that type of woman. I wanted to write about a woman who would be a support to her man, even be right there in his corner if and when he needed her. I had read most of the novels in the Fight Card series and there was never a gal like that. One boxer even left his gal behind in another city so she would have a better life. After all, what man doesn’t want the woman of his dreams on his side, pulling for him, rooting for him, willing to take on a murder rap to save him? My heroine, Lindy is that type of gal.

I'm often asked "why would a nice gal like you want to write a novel in an all-male dominated genre like pulp fiction boxing?" This is my short answer:

I wrote "Ladies Night" basically as a dare. A couple of years ago, my friend, Paul Bishop, along with his good friend, Mel Odom, created the Fight Card series – fast action boxing tales inspired by the fight pulps of the ‘30s, 40s and ‘50s. Being part of a monthly writers group mentored by Paul, I was familiar with these novels and was knocked out by their punchy style. When Paul wanted my husband, Tim, to write a Fight Card novella, I saw only one major problem – Tim, raised with four sisters, doesn’t like sports. He never played sports of any kind, nor does he enjoy watching sports on TV, which he considers wasting time. I, on the other hand, was raised with four sports-loving, older brothers.

If Tim wasn’t going to take a crack at writing a Fight Card story, then I wanted to jump in the ring. Without Paul’s knowledge, I started to write Ladies Night in March, 2012. With trepidation, I brought the first chapters of “Ladies Night” to our monthly writer's group and the excited acceptance overwhelmed me.

Paul encouraged me to continue. He’d had a notion in his head to expand the Fight Card brand – which he’d already done by adding in a series of Fight Card MMA novels – to include Fight Card Romance novels, and “Ladies Night” looked like it might fill the niche. You can see me listed as one of the Fight Card series authors at:  http://fightcardbooks.com/carol-malone

 

2) Do you have any plans to expand this concept to a hockey and romance series? Seeing as hockey is pretty much just fighting on ice.

A2) I know I’m going to offend some of your sports-loving readers, but hockey is the one sport I can’t get behind. It ranks right up there with curling. It wasn’t one my brothers played and I never learned the rules or saw many games. You are right about it being violent, but boxing pits one man against another, no sticks or heavy protective clothing. Just the beauty of learning the “Sweet Science.”

 

3) What was the wackiest genre crossing idea you came up with when you were deciding what to write?

A3) Blood sucking vampire, Darth Werewolf, and his queen, the witch Esmeralda Troll, are chiropractors who serve only zombies who strain their backs while consuming tiny fairytale creatures from medieval England who have been running from Martian who have been born again, and now flee tyranny of time-traveling and space-traveling Scottish Highlanders. It could happen.  

(Please tell me that you are actually going to write this story. I so want to read it!)

 

4) Are there any genres, or settings, that are just too silly to be combined with romance? And if so, what are they?

A4) I would probably say children’s stories, middle grade and possibly pre-teen. That might stretch a bit in today’s modern – free thinking world, but I would hold those as a NO ROMANCE ZONE.

 

5) They say "Three's a crowd." Is that true for genre mash-ups? Would a western, mob-war, romance be over the top?

A5) Actually, I think I read one of those. I believe the more you can mix it up, the better it will show on Amazon’s bestsellers list and the faster you can make your climb. It’s all about the niche market these days. My trick is how to write sweet romances in any genre, but do it in a 50 Shades of Grey world.

 

6) Briefly, tell us about Ladies Night. Give us an overview.

A6) Ladies Night is the story of a hard-luck orphan, Jimmy Doherty, who was taught the “Sweet Science” of boxing by his mentor, Father Tim Brophy to keep him off the mean streets of Chicago. Jimmy’s fists were good enough to receive further training from Pops Dominic, a professional manager in Los Angeles. Right off the train, Jimmy falls for the manager’s only daughter, Lindy. But when Lindy is arrested for killing a boxer with ties to gangster Mickey Cohen, Jimmy is forced to join forces with the arresting detective – who would like to do much more with Lindy than put her in handcuffs – in a desperate search for the real killer. It’s the sweet, tender romance of two people in terrifying trouble.

 

7) Boxing used to be such a popular sport. Why do you think its popularity has waned in recent years?

A7) As a kid I remember watching fight night with my dad and four older brothers. The greats like Marciano and Robinson. I think there are a lot of reasons people have lost interest. I know I wasn’t thrilled when they went to “Pay-per-view” fights on TV. Then you had to purchase an expensive add-on to your cable like HBO just to see a fight. I also believe greedy promoters like Don King ruined the sport for the average boxing enthusiast. When boxing bouts weren’t televised on regular networks, interest diminished. I know mine did. And then greed – pure and simple in another reason. It’s like the promoters don’t care about average fans or allow them to participate viewing the sport they love – man-to-man, physically demanding athletics like the gladiators of Rome.

 

8) Fun stuff:

Favorite genre to read:  what else, romance

Favorite childhood vacation spot:  Jackson Hole and Yellowstone

Favorite quote from a movie:  “Have fun stormin’ the castle.” Miracle Max,  from Princess Bride

Favorite smell:  baking bread

Favorite flavor of ice cream:  chocolate – is there any other flavor?

Favorite candy:  anything with chocolate and nuts

What’s on you “keeper shelf” of books: Nora, Harlequin Heartwarming, Linda Lael Miller, Sandra Brown, Dan Brown, Stephenie Meyer, James Patterson.

Are you a plotter or a pantzer:  pantzer for sure. You can tell from the skid marks on my jeans.

If you were a superhero, what would your kryptonite be:  chocolate, is there any other weakness?

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be:  I might like a villa in Venice, a chateau in Steamboat Springs, a bungalow in Great Britain, or a luxury casita in Lava Cove in St. George, but I love living in Ventura County, California. The weather can’t be beat.

Piece of advice for aspiring writers:  write, write, write, edit, rinse and repeat

One food you would never eat:  probably chocolate covered ants. I might lick off the chocolate, but bugs, no way.

 

9) Any other projects in the works?

A9) I’ve just completed a 40s baseball novella for publication in an anthology of pulp sports short stories, and I’m working on a sequel to “Ladies Night.” I’m just about finished with a contemporary romance about a nurse and a fireman. There are always ideas floating around my brain like so much space junk.

 

10) What are your feelings about LDS authors writing romance? Can they keep their high standards of morality and virtue and still write a book about love in the modern secular world?

A10) This has been a question I have struggled with since I started writing. We all know Mormons (LDS) – Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints hold themselves to a higher standard in terms of morality. There are good LDS writers out there writing sweet romantic tales and I have no problem with that. There are certain lines, certain words, certain situations you don’t write about if you want to be published by The Big D. The feeling is, “you’re LDS, you can’t have a sex scene in your novel!” You’re limited because of culture.

In my story, there is violence, crime, murder, rape attempts, sexual situations - although off camera – and non-LDS themes. I don’t want to be restricted in my writing of novels because of my religion. I’m not talking about writing erotica, or anything like that, but I don’t want to be censored either. It’s a fine line we walk, almost as fine as a woman writing a romance in a primarily male genre. The romance turns off the guys, and the sports doesn’t interest romance readers. Can you see me walking a tight-rope as I write? But I live for the challenge.

 

            Thank you, Carol. I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions and wish all the best with your writing career. Carol has interviewed me as well. Make sure to stop by and see if my goofy interview style rubbed off on her.

            One last item. I bet all of you are wondering the same thing I am. When do we get the chance to read the first curling romance novel? Am I right?

 

Ten Best Author Moments

            The author gig has me pretty busy this month. So I thought I would give you something short, sweet, and relevant to my current situation. Here it is, my ten best moments as an author—so far.

10. Putting the words “The End” at the end of the manuscript.

9. Having Earl walk up to me, a week after its release, and telling me he liked my book.

8. Reading the first review that wanted more.

7. Filming the book trailer.

6. Seeing the cover for the first time.

5. Holding a copy of the galley in my hands.

4. Signing my wife’s copy of The Gathering.

3. My Dad telling me how proud he was of me.

2. The notification that my publisher wanted The Gathering.

1. The look in my daughter’s eyes when anyone asks if her daddy is an author.

    Watch for a review of The Nut Job next Monday.

 

 

The Ten Best Movie Rentals For The Last Day

            Do you know what today is? I mean, other than Tuesday.

            Today is the release date of The Gathering. That’s right! My brain child is now sitting on the shelves of book stores all over the Southwest. To celebrate this awesomely awesome day I composed a list for the occasion.

            Here are the Ten Best Movie Rentals for the Last Day.

 

 

 

 

10. It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

9. The Omega Man.

8. 2012. (Drink a toast for every year they were off.)

7. The Day After Tomorrow.

6. On the Beach (1959 Version).

5. History of the World: Part I.

4. Testament.

3. Wall-E.

2. Armageddon.

1. It’s a Wonderful Life. (Might as well go out on a high note.)

 

            And if you get the chance, stop by my friend Shelly’s blog. The topic of the day—why The Gathering release of course.

 

Romp

            Over the weekend my son talked me into seeing The World’s End. I don’t plan to do a review of it because this is the sort of film that I normally avoid. However, if you are not bothered by horrendous amounts of profanity you may find it quite funny.

            The thing about this movie was that the basic storyline struck me a collection of elements all randomly thrown together. In this case we have what I can Going Back story. That’s a story where a group of people, who share a common event in the past, assemble together and are able to overcome the problems they are having in the present by reflecting on the past and using the strength of their common bond.

            Because I don’t like living in the past this is not the sort of story that I enjoy. Which makes it great that The World’s End changes all of that by throwing in an element that doesn’t seem to belong—an alien invasion. That’s right. Aliens have started replacing humans with robot duplicates and the protagonists of the story stumble across this extraterrestrial plot as they come attempt once again to drink their way through every pub in the town they lived twenty years ago.

            Now, I don’t support the notion that responsible adults should return to the folly of youth and drink irresponsibly just for the bragging rights of having finally completed a sophomoric challenge. But I do love how the writers of this film have taken a trivial storyline and by introducing an unusual twist to it have given us a remarkably innovative piece of entertainment.

            Why didn’t I come up with that idea?

            Rather than sulk about showing up late for this particular dance I decided to come up with my own story mixer. Here it is:

 

 

 

            It’s the late 1800s and in the bustling western town of High Step an evil Cattle Baron attempts to force the last of the independent ranchers out of business. If economic pressure fails he turns loose his squad of hired gunslingers to convince his competitors to sell out. Then all of a sudden a squad of cheerleaders from the future pops into town and the balance of power changes. Traditional gunfights get replaced with dance-offs as we kick back and enjoy a rip-snorting, wild-west musical. Grab a big bowl of fried critters and enjoy the magic that is Romp.

            Well, what do you think? Should I give up my other writing endeavors and start in on this project immediately? Or does it need a little more work?

             

           I still need help getting the word out about my blog. This week I'm asking Karen Jackson to share this week's fun with family and friends. In addition to today's rambling I plan to submit a piece of flash fiction later in the week.

Zombie Evolution

 

 

           Zombies have risen in popularity over the last couple of decades. They have gone from the rotting, loathsome, fall-apart husks of humanity to the moaning, sympathy-inducing, fall-apart husks of humanity. The CDC even has an emergency plan for the “Zombie Apocalypse.” Some even say that zombie is the new vampire.

            However, the zombies in the movies today are not the same mindless minions that our parents and grandparents know. The zombie has evolved.

            The zombie, or as it is known in Haitian Creole as zonbi, originated in West Africa where the legends of Vodou claim that a dead person can be revived by a bokor, or sorcerer. Zombies have no will of their own and follow whatever direction they are given by their creator. It is rumored that feeding a zombie salt will force it to return to its grave.

            In the 1980s a theory was introduced that a living person can be turned into a zombie if given psychoactive drugs via the bloodstream. It supposedly caused a death-like state and made the person submissive to the will of the bokor. In either of the first two cases the zombies were slow and stiff. (I guess rigor mortis does that to you.)

            The first step in the evolutionary process for the zombie took place in 1968 when George A. Romero made Night of the Living Dead. In this movie zombies gained the ability to act under their own motivation—to eat the living. This was taken even further in John A. Russo’s film, Return of the Living Dead. Their culinary habits changed slightly to focus on the eating of the person’s brain.

            In 2002, the film 28 Days Later introduced Rage Zombies, which are fast zombies. Now the living had to worry about out running the tireless undead hunters rather than blithely dodging the clumsy attacks of their predecessors. This round of evolution also introduces a basic emotion of rage in the previously instinct only undead. Some argue that these are technically not real zombies because the condition is brought on by a viral infection, but we can save that for another discussion.

            Move forward to 2013 and we find the zombies recovering from their condition with a partial return to humanity. Warm Bodies, puts us inside the head of a thinking zombie when human passions and reason start to reassert themselves. Although this is not the first film to give zombies a limited amount of reasoning ability I felt it did the best job of it.

            Where does the evolutionary track go from here for the popular undead race? They can already run, talk, think, and fall in love. Don’t forget their ability to convert the living to their lifestyle through infectious bites. In some cases they are stronger than their living counterparts and generally are immune to radiation, poisons, and the hypnotizing power of used car salespeople.

            Got it. The next wave of zombies need to have—a Law Degree. In too many cases zombies have moved away from their origin as creatures of horror. They have become likable and cute. Turn them into lawyers and politicians and you return them to their proper place in the halls of Scaredom. Maybe you’re a bit skeptical. Try picturing yourself across from zombie litigator during a divorce trial. They could give a whole new meaning to the term ambulance chaser. And if you want to envision the pinnacle of fright close your eyes and imagine a zombie as President.

No Flippin Way

            The other day, I happened to be listening to a young woman talk. She mentioned that her friend was so tired of “flippin’ waiting.” I suppose it’s possible that the friend was actually engaged in a series of gymnastic flips while she was waiting. That image briefly passed through my mind with a couple of mental chuckles.  

            However, it’s more likely a substitution for profanity. Someone more serious than myself might turn this into a lecture about avoiding the appearance of evil and suggest that all of us refrain from even these non-profane phrases of passion. Be that as it may, there’s no flippin’ way that I’m going to pass up a chance to poke fun at this crud.

            How many of you use the word Fetch? Or Flip? Or Snap? How about Frigging, H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, or Holy Scrud? I’ll bet a large number of people who avoid the use of profanity still will say Dang, Heck, and Good Grief. My apologies go out to anyone who is offended by such language. (You should probably stop reading this.)

            The problem is that these are obvious substitutions for the originals. And like the originals, they don’t really make sense. For example, “are you flipping kidding me?” would have to entail a person pulling a prank on the speaker by treating them like a stack of flap-jacks. Sure, it’d be funny—if the person who’s been flipped off didn’t break their neck in the process, but how realistic is it that you’re going to spend your time on slap-stick gags with a minimal chance for laughs.

            What do you use instead? Most of the phrases that accurately represented your question will just make you sound like the straight-man in an old vaudeville routine. I don’t think “are you hilariously kidding me” is going to catch on. (Hmm . . . that might be a good line for a wacky character in one of my books.) Unless, by “flipping kidding” you meant “are you earnestly kidding me” and then the same argument applies. Neither of which deals with using one -ing word to describe another. In that case, “are you side-splitting kidding me” might be a good option.

            Then we have, Snap. “Oh, snap” sounds as if you’re ordering someone to join in an impromptu jazz session. What exactly is it you’re trying to tell a person when you say that? Now, fortunately, I do have a suggestion for this phrase. Here it is . . . are you ready . . . I think you’ll like it . . . Exclamation! That’s right, just shout out the word “exclamation” as loud as you can next time you feel the need to express yourself. See if that doesn’t do the trick. And the best part of it is that it makes sense. I mean really, you’re using the word as a senseless exclamation to express emotion so why not clearly identify it as such. You can even add modifiers to the statement. “Oh, frustrated exclamation!” Or how about, “Exclamation of joy!”        

            Fetch! I’m out of time. Sorry, I meant, “Exclamation of disappointment and dismay, I’m out of time.” Try these new phrases and then let me know how well they work for you.

  

Please, help me.

            As I have mentioned over the last couple of months, my purpose for the blog has changed from a place to connect with my fellow authors (which I still want to do) to a platform that will allow the general public a chance to glimpse at the insanity that is my imagination. To that end, if you enjoyed this post—spread the word. Follow my blog. Mention it to your friends. More importantly, like it on Facebook and post a link to it on Twitter or any of the other social network options.
            And in case you think I’m directing this message to someone else, I am going to single out Mark Lindsay and ask him to copy the link in the address bar and post it on his Facebook wall along with a comment about how he enjoyed it—or didn’t enjoy it. The rest of you can expect to be tagged for the same request in the near future.

 

A New Look At Reviews - Warm Bodies

             Movie reviews are an important part of my blog. That’s because movies have played an important role in my life. Not important like the wonderful effect my wife has on my daily life or like the deep imbedded love for God that I have. Movies have been important in as much as they constitute my favorite form of entertainment. They also inspire me to write and as such have guided my path in life to become an author.

            Hopefully, that explains why a blog for an author in training posts so many movie reviews. At its center this blog is really about me and I love movies. Okay, not all movies just some of them.

            A couple of weeks ago I watched two movies that I ended up giving the same rating, but for vastly different reasons. That caused me to rethink my movie rating system and make a few changes. Films will still be rated on a scale of 1 to 4 Movie Bucks, but the determination of that rating will be based on the following criteria.  

1. Fun – how much fun did I have watching the movie? I will give one full MB if I had a blast. It gets half a MB if it kept my attention, but failed to thrill me. And a film will get zero MB if I couldn’t wait to get out of the theater.  

2. Story – as a writer I can’t help but pay attention to the storyline. This category takes into consideration the innovative level of the concept, how well the plot was developed, and the quality of the dialogue. I will subtract half a MB for each of these areas that fall seriously short.  

3. Technical – covers the quality of special effects, continuity of the story, style, and editing of the film which can lead to a choppy or hard to follow movie experience. Most of these are responsibility of the director. I will subtract half a MB for each of these areas that fall seriously short.  

4. Acting – how well did the actors do with their roles. Were the actors clumsy in their delivery or were they charismatic? I will subtract half a MB if any of the main actors performed poorly and a whole MB if any of them were atrocious. Also, I will subtract half a MB if the secondary case as a whole performed poorly.  

            Now let’s put this new system to work. A while back I rented Warm Bodies and failed to post a review on the film. Here is my delayed review of that film.

 

 

Warm Bodies   $$$     

 

 

 

PG-13

98 Minutes

Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, and Rob Corddry.

Director: Jonathan Levine.

 

            You knew it was going to happen—the zombie apocalypse. And it did.  

            R (Nicholas Hoult) is your typical run-of-the-mill, foot shuffling, brain eating zombie. He hangs out at the airport because it seems important to him. Like most of his memories, the reason he’s drawn to the airport have drained away along with his life force.

            Then along comes Julie (Teresa Palmer). She awakens an emotion inside R and he hides her from the rest of the zombies. During the next few days Julie starts to realize that R is changing. He is becoming human once again. Okay, more human than the rest of the flesh-eating monsters.

            With the help of R’s friend, M (Rob Corddry), they plan to return Julie home to the safety of the fortified walls of the human encampment.            

            I have to admit that even though zombie movies are not my thing the previews for this film caught my attention. It promised to be—different. And it was. The portions of the movie that are told from R’s point of view are hilarious. I found the thoughts and motivations of a zombie to be highly entertaining. I give it a full MB for fun based on the character of R alone.

            Story gets a full MB as well. The concept is original and stands out from the army of droll undead films that are available everywhere. The plot was nicely developed, moving from a boy meets girl story to a look at society wide acceptance of something new and scary. And the dialogue, especially R’s, was very witty. 

            Technical gets a half MB. The special effects were on the cheesy side, but the continuity and editing were acceptable.

            Finally, I gave the acting a half MB. Hoult and Palmer turned in reasonable performances in their roles, but neither stands out. The secondary cast, except for Rob Corddry and John Malkovich, were definitely B-Grade performances.

            The total score for Warm Bodies was 3 Movie Bucks. If it were still in the theaters I would recommend catching it as a matinee or other discounted showing. However, since you can now find it at your local movie rental location I highly recommend checking it out.  Grab World War Z at the same time and you can have a zombie double feature with the two movies this year that really surprised me.

                        Randy’s Rating System 

$$$$   = Full Price    See this movie right away and pay full price, it’s worth it.

$$$     = Matinee      Catch this as a matinee or other discounted showing.

$$        = Discount     Wait until this movie reaches a discount theater near you.

$          = Rental         Wait until this movie reaches your local video rental outlet.

0          = No Sale       Don’t see this movie at any price.

 

 

Kids On Writing

            Combine an author who has recently learned how to podcast with four young children and a page full of questions and what do you get? My blog offering for the day.

            I sat down with Merlin, Lucy, Nick and Rick and asked them what they thought about authors and the writer’s life. In conjunction with Monday’s Writing Prod, this also includes their responses as to what they think would make a good plotline in my next novel.
            Please leave a comment on whether you liked it or not; that will help me determine if I should attempt any future podcasts.

Having A Good Day

     I'm in the middle of moving this week so I don't really have the time to create a decent post about writing or even to throw out some sore of crazy rambling that I am known to offer on occasion. Instead, I'm going to relate an event that happened to me last week.

     After an exhausting struggle with a demonic underwriter, we finally closed on our house. My wife and I decided to take the entire family out to dinner to celebrate. We had a great time enjoying the food and one another's company. A gentleman sat at the table next to us and chucked a few times as we tried to convince the two youngest boys to try a taste of some new foods. Nick firmly advised us, "I might not like it." To which I replied, "And you might love it."

     They were not to be convinced though. We finished our meal, the boys sticking with food that was safe and familiar, and then proceeded to the cashier. To our surprise, the gentleman who had sat next to us had already paid for our meal. Keep in mind that the cost for a family of six to dine at an honest to goodness restaurant is not cheap. He drove out of the parking lot before we could stop him to say thanks.

     At my job, all day long I deal with people who are not very nice. My journey to and from work is filled with crazy, dangerous people who are way too eager to share rude gestures with me and the rest of the drivers who are in their way. This is what most of us deal with on a daily basis.

     The amazing thing to me is that it only took one act of generosity to restore my sagging faith in humanity. That single act was more powerful than the dozens of negative encounters I've had over the last couple of weeks. I would like to thank that gentleman for lifting me up. I wish he knew how much his kindness meant to me.

    This week, or next, I plan to pay that good deed forward. I probably won't be picking up the tab for dinner, but it doesn't have to be a monetary gift that lightens someone's day. What I'd like to do is encourage all of you to do the same. One person can make a difference in the life of another. Be that person.

     By the way, here's a picture of my family when we go out to dinner. (Don't let my wife know I shared the family pictures with everyone.)

Christmas In Oz

Have you ever had one of those writing experiences where you had an idea and when you had the idea it was great, then the more time you had to think about it the less spectacular it seemed?

No!

Yeah, me neither.

While I was working on the Christmas writing prompts, one of them really grabbed my attention. I thought it would be hilarious to put together a story by mixing traditional Christmas elements with the Wizard of Oz. Another one of the prompts I thought of, but didn't include, was what whould happen if someone kidnapped Santa? I combined the two and this is what I came up with – in a condensed script format:

Scene 1 – Santa is preparing for his big night. Mrs. Claus gives her jolly hubby a warm send off and tells him to be safe.

Scene 2 – While flying through air, Santa encounters the Wicked Witch. They narrowly avoid a mid-air collision and the two of them share several choice words with one another. Santa insists that he had the right-of-way and the Witch responds by zapping him.

Scene 3 – The Witch flies off, cackling happily, while the reindeer take the sleigh down for a landing on a golden air strip. When they stop they find out that the only thing left of Santa is his suit.

Scene 4 – Before long, the Oz gang (Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion) come along and discover Santa’s sleigh and his empty suit in the driver’s seat. They realize that without Santa there might not be a Christmas. Scarecrow offers to try and fly the sled himself. Maybe if they return the sleigh to the North Pole someone there will know what to do.

Scene 5 – The Scarecrow puts on Santa’s suit and attempts to fly the sleigh with comical results; comical for the audience, not so funny for the Oz gang or the reindeer.

Scene 6 – After gathering up the far flung bits of straw and putting Scarecrow back together, the Tin Man gets to work fixing the now broken sleigh. He believes that his familiarity with machines will allow him to operate the sleigh. But the reindeer won’t fly for him.

Scene 7 – Cowardly Lion discovers that whenever he roars the reindeer move away from him. By staying behind the sleigh, he can herd the reindeer in the direction he wants them to go. The only drawback is that they still won’t fly.

Scene 8 – The Oz folks discuss the situation and decide to go see the Wizard for a solution on how to save Christmas. Scarecrow and Tin Man climb into the sleigh and Cowardly Lion growls them all the way to the Emerald City.

Scene 9 – Before long the group arrives at the Emerald City. They are ushered into the Wizard’s grand chamber and find themselves face-to-face with the Witch. It seems that Emerald City is under new management. Our three heroes are thrown into the dungeon by the Emerald Guards.

Scene 10 – Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion are tossed into a cell with – ta da daaaa – the Wizard. This is not the wise, benevolent ruler that came back after dropping Dorothy off in the mythical land of reality. The Wizard has given up hope and wants to be left alone. Here is the chance for the Oz Trio to return the goodness bestowed upon them by the Wizard. They all share the many great tasks they have been able to accomplish since he has instilled hope within themselves. Soon the Wizard’s spirit is rejuvenated and they plan their next move.

Scene 11 – Scarecrow puts his brain to work and calls on his previous experience with wicked witches. Having been torn apart by the flying monkeys gives him an idea; by moving around the straw in his body he is able to squeeze himself through the window in the dungeon door and unlock it.

Scene 12 – The Oz folks barely makes it down a dungeon hallway when a massive contingent of guards charge after them. Tin Man gives a rousing speech to give heart to his companions and then offers to bar the way while the others escape. After all, “He once spent months not moving and can do it again.”

Scene 13 – The rest of the gang navigates through the secret passages of the castle, led by the Wizard, and eventually pop out from behind the Emerald throne. They face off against the Wicked Witch. She zaps them and they all freeze in place. What starts as a growl, deep within the Cowardly Lion, grows into a fierce roar that shakes the building and dislodges a large chunk of the ceiling. The Wicked Witch is crushed beneath the great stone and everyone is freed from her magic.

Scene 14 – The Wizard puts on the Witch’s Emerald Slippers, clicks his heels three times, and un-zaps Santa’s suit. The suit fills out with Santa in it. But what about Christmas? With the night half over it would take a miracle for Santa to complete is mission of good will.

Scene 15 – Flying monkeys and the Witch’s guards all flood into the Emerald throne room swearing allegiance to the Wizard. That gives him an idea. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion all load into the sleigh with Santa and take off. Santa just won’t stop during his trip. The Flying Monkeys will take the gifts, in mid-flight, and deliver them to the intended homes. Christmas is saved. YEAH!!!!

(Sorry if this wasn't as polished as normal, this has been an extra, EXTRA, busy week.)

            I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and here’s wishing you the best in the coming New Year. Thanks for stopping by and being a part of my blog.

Tis The Season For . . .

            Last month I bemoaned the lack of Thanksgiving stories in the entertainment industry. In order to promote a creative outburst in that direction I came up with a list of story prompts and a challenge for all of you to write the next Thanksgiving classic. And considering what’s currently out there for my favorite holiday it leaves the field pretty wide open for the title.

            Christmas, on the other hand, suffers from exactly the opposite problem. There are more movies, songs, novels, and what-have-you that can be easily counted, much less enjoyed. While I thought about that very fact I found myself oddly challenged. With so many stories already written about the biggest commercial season of the year is it possible to come up with something new?

            Yes!

            You go ahead and watch ABC Family’s “25 Days of Christmas.” Feel free to study Lifetime’s “50 Movies and 50 Reasons to Love the Holiday Season.” Check out Hallmark’s “Countdown to Christmas.”

            Go ahead. I’m guessing you won’t find a single one of my ideas in the batch.

 

• What if Santa was a Communist?

Oops – I already did that one. You can check it out here:

            http://randylindsay.net/  Red Christmas

• What if someone stole Santa’s sleigh?

• What would happen if the Tooth Fairy took over for Santa?

• What would it be like if Scrooge came back as a Christmas ghost?

• How would Christmas be different if Santa were a fitness guru instead of a toy maker?

• What would happen if Santa’s toy shop were moved to the South Pacific?

• How crazy would Christmas be if Lady Gaga took over for Santa?

• What would happen if all the holiday legends had to fire one of their own due to budget costs?

• What would happen if the elves unionized?

• How would everyone react if Santa billed them one year?

• What would happen if Santa had to get a second job?

• What if Santa were really a secret agent?

• What if Santa went broke and had to hold a telethon?

• What would a pre-historic Christmas be like?

• What would happen if Santa switched careers and started a dating service?

• Is there a mirror-opposite Santa in another dimension (Anti-Claus)?

• How would things be different if Mrs. Claus made the rules?

• What if “Reindeer Games” were really military exercises against “The League of Extraordinary Snowmen”? And whose side would the “Elf Suffrage Coalition” be on?

• What new Christmas tradition can you introduce into a story?

• What if Santa only brought presents for adults?

• What if people exchanged gifts of service to one another?

• What kind of quest might a reindeer have to undergo in order to be a member of Santa’s sleigh team?

• How “Far Out” would Christmas be if Santa were an alien from space?

• How would Christmas be different if Santa planned adventure parties instead of giving away toys?

• What would Christmas be like if Santa gave everyone what they really deserved?

• What would Christmas be like if Santa were a pirate?

• What would happen to Santa if he hit a wormhole and was transported to another dimension? What would happen to that dimension? What would happen to us?

• What would happen if Santa took bad boys and girls away and turned them into elves for his North Pole sweat shop?

• If all of the key figures from the holidays held a Battle Royale – who would win and who would get smeared?

• What kind of story would you write if Santa farmed out his duties and made you the Santa for your block?

• What would Christmas be like if we celebrated it in summer?

• What kind of story would you write if Santa was kidnapped?

• What if Santa’s sleigh crash landed on a deserted island and he had to rely on his McGuyver like ability to make toys out of anything to survive and escape?

• Considering that Santa is immortal and can travel all over the world in one night – what kind of story would you write about Santa being a Time Lord?

• What if Santa needed a war wagon instead of a sleigh?

• What kind of celebration would we have if we combined some of the current Christmas traditions with the story line from Wizard of Oz?

More Thanksgiving Please

            Thanksgiving is tomorrow and my wife has already launched into the Christmas movie season with the Hallmark channel. Now, I’m more of a one holiday at a time sort of person. I like waiting until I’ve consumed the guest of honor at our Thanksgiving festivity before feasting my eyes on the winter wonder event.

            My quickly maturing daughter asked where all the Thanksgiving movies were. Good question. I stumbled with an answer and admitted that beyond the Charlie Brown special, I couldn’t think of any off the top of my head. Of course, that is probably more a reflection of my failing memory than it is of an actual dearth of turkey themed entertainment.

            With my curiosity sufficiently peaked, I checked the greatest answer machine available. I Googled it.  In addition to the Peanuts gang I found the following films with a reasonable amount of Thanksgiving spirit to them:

 

1.      A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

2.      Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

3.      Winnie the Pooh – Season of Giving

4.      Mouse on the Mayflower

5.      Hannah and Her Sisters

6.      Home For the Holidays

7.      Alice’s Restaurant

8.      What’s Cooking

          

More movies exist that have some mention of Thanksgiving, but I felt they were

much leaner fare than this grand holiday deserves. It is shocking that an event as wondrous as this should have so little entertainment attached to it. We can remedy that situation. We authors that is.

            Here is a list of writing prompts for Thanksgiving. I encourage all of you to put some thought into creating the definitive Thanksgiving classic. Many images flickered to life in my head when I went through the list. See what it does for you.

• How will they celebrate Thanksgiving in the future?
• What would Thanksgiving be like if children made all the preparations?
• How would our pets celebrate Thanksgiving?
• What would Thanksgiving be like if you had to dress to match your food?
• How would Thanksgiving celebrations be different if it were held in summer?
• What would it be like if retailers held Thanksgiving in their stores in order to boost Black Friday sales?
• Imagine a non-traditional Thanksgiving.
• Imagine a Thanksgiving where all the food had been stolen the night before.
• What would happen if your family tried to re-enact the first Thanksgiving?
• How would your Thanksgiving traditions differ if they were going to be televised to the hungry and poor nations of the Earth?
• What if Thanksgiving had been started by hippies instead of Pilgrims?
• Who would you invite to Thanksgiving dinner if you had an operation time machine? And what would you talk about?
• What would happen if the situation was reversed and turkeys celebrated Thanksgiving with us?
• What would Thanksgiving be like if we celebrated it on an alien world?
• What fictional character would you like to invite to your Thanksgiving event? And how might that change the celebration?
• What if you celebrated Thanksgiving with a theme based on your favorite song, or band? How would you accomplish that?
• What if you combined Thanksgiving with some of the other holiday traditions?
• Everyone knows the story of the first Thanksgiving. What about the LAST Thanksgiving?
• What is your favorite Thanksgiving memory?

Ready! Set! Gobble . . . I mean,  Write!

Top Ten Author Distractions

            I have a great series of author interviews lined up for the next several weeks and I posted a serious article on getting critical feedback on Tuesday, so I think it’s time for a little silliness here.

            How many of us are easily distracted from our writing? I am. Then again, I’m pretty easily distracted from almost everything. The problem, for me at least, is that it can be difficult to sit down and concentrate. And here is my top ten list on what distracts us:

10. Checking Twitter to see what all your peeps are doing.

9. Organizing your writing area because it will help you concentrate better.

8. Blogging so that people will know who you are so they can buy your book – if it ever gets written.

7. Checking Twitter to see if your peeps responded to your tweets about what they’re doing?

6. Checking your e-mail to see if any editors or agents have contacted you about the sheer brilliance of your writing.

 5. Food. Chocolate will help your creativity and motivation. Or is it salty foods that do that. Just keep eating until one of them triggers writer euphoria.

4. Checking Twitter again because you have an addiction to social media.

3. People. People bothering you to do something like feed the children or go to work.

2. Cruising the internet under the pretense that you’re doing research for you book.

1. Randy’s top ten list of author distractions.

Interview with a Would-Be-Author

            Last week I pretended to interview my wife. This week, I thought it only fair for me to pretend to have my wife interview me. Here it is, again without any actual input from her, the interview of a would-be-author.

Randy: “Hey sweetie, I need someone to interview me for my blog?”

LuAnn: “How about Wednesday, three weeks from today?”

Randy: “Stop kidding around.”

LuAnn: “You already interviewed me.”

Randy: “Right. Now I need you to interview me so my readers can get the other side of the story. Go ahead, ask me a question.”

LuAnn: “Do you plan to take out the garbage any time soon?”

Randy: “As soon as the interview is over. Next question.”

LuAnn: “Couldn’t you have the kids ask you some questions?”

Randy: “I need a perceptive and poignant point of view.”

LuAnn: “So, they already told you they weren’t interested.”

Randy: “Absolutely not. I couldn’t find any of them.”

LuAnn: “How about your friends?”

Randy: “They said no. Heck, I can't even get them to read the blog.”

LuAnn: <Taking a deep breath and looking trapped.> “Sure. I’d love to interview you.”

Randy: “Excellent. Let’r rip.”

LuAnn: “What do you think the readers of your blog would want to know about you?”

Randy: “Probably the worthwhile insights about the writing profession that I’ve managed to pick up so far, along with an interesting tidbit that will reveal some of my personal nature.”

LuAnn: “And what would those be?”

Randy: “Since dialogue is one of my strengths, I would explain how it can be used to interweave conflict and backstory into a quick paced and exciting scene.”

LuAnn: “What else?”

Randy: “I love to interview my characters when I’m plotting a story because it helps me to really flesh them out fully and keep them from being two-dimensional, or boring stereo-types.”

LuAnn: “What about that interesting tidbit.”

Randy: “Well, that embarrassing story about when we got married would be right out. I’d never be able to show my face in public if everyone knew that. If I wanted wow them with my accomplishments, it would have to be the time Upper Deck offered an incredible amount of money to promote a game I designed. Or if I wanted to give them a deeper insight into who I am I could let them know how I turn everything into a story. I can’t tell about what happened at work, or how my dentist appointment went, without it becoming some sort of fantastic tale. Then again, it might be better to build a sense of camaraderie by retelling of one of my funnier moments. Like the time when my sister and I were playing hide-n-seek with our father and I kept pushing her out ahead of me because I knew my dad was going to jump out and scare us.”

LuAnn: “I think that should do it. Thanks for answering all my questions and thank you for the opportunity to interview you.”

Randy: “You’re most welcome. Are you sure you don’t want to ask me a few more questions?”

LuAnn: “I’m sure.” <As she bolts through the door.>

Randy: “Good. That completes this week’s blog. Now, I just have to figure what to do next time!

<Ponders if there’s a way to stretch out this phony interview scam for another couple of weeks.>

Interview with the spouse of a would-be author

            It might seem as if creativity is creativity and the outlet doesn’t matter. That isn’t true. For the last three weeks I have been eating, sleeping, and dreaming my other creative line – game design. Now, I’m sitting here on Friday desperately searching to a topic to blog.

            No luck. Nada. The writing muse has been hamstrung by the more structured game design element I have been focused on.

            Fortunately, I happened to have stockpiled a few blog entries in case this happened. I actually wrote this when I first had the idea to start blogging and knew I wanted to throw in a few interviews about writing.

            This interview is with my wife and was meant to take a look at the writing life as seen through the eyes of a spouse to a would-be author.

 

Randy: “Honey, can I interview you for my blog?”

LuAnn: “I’d rather you didn’t.”

Randy: “Great. It’ll just take a minute.”

LuAnn: <Nods while she rubs her temples.>

 

Randy: “What do you think about me becoming famous?”

LuAnn: “I’ll love you no matter how famous you are.”

Randy: “What will be the most exciting thing about me becoming successful?”

LuAnn: “The increased shopping benefit.”

 

Randy: “No. I mean about me.”

LuAnn: “Oh. That you’ll be able to do more shopping for me.”

Randy: “What published author would you compare me to?”

LuAnn: “Is that the doorbell?”

Randy: “The doorbell doesn’t work.”

LuAnn: “I meant, I think I heard someone knock at the door.”

Randy: <Checking out the window.> “Nope. Nobody there.”

LuAnn: “How weird. Thanks for the interview hon.”

Randy: “Wait. I still need you to compare me to a published author.”

LuAnn: “I haven’t read enough books to make that comparison.”

Randy: “Really? You read all the time. How many books do you read a month?”

LuAnn: “Six to twelve.”

Randy: “That seems like a lot of books. There’s bound to be someone who reminds you of me.”

LuAnn: “Nooooo.  You’re . . . unique.”

Randy: “Thanks. Next question. What do you consider my finest authorial quality?”

LuAnn: “Did you hear that? A bear is eating the children!”

Randy: “I don’t hear anything.”

LuAnn: <Dashes out of the room.>

Randy: “Hey, there are no bears in Phoenix.”

LuAnn: <In the distance.> “Quick kids, get into the car.”

Randy: “Well folks, there you have it. The wife interview.”

* Disclaimer – My wife actually won’t let me interview her. This entire post is comprised of my speculation of how the said interview would go if it were permitted.