The Holiday Channel: Part III

Here is the exciting third quarter lineup:


July:  What’s July without fireworks? Hot! Let the Holiday Channel take the heat out of your firework watching. We’re going to spread out a picnic blanket and point our camera skyward to catch the most amazing pyrotechnics display around. There will be plenty of eye-popping bursts with delayed sounds to make you feel like you’re really there. Between bursts the home audience can enjoy the time-honored tradition of chasing fireflies as our camera moves through fields filled with the nature’s own summer light show.

August: After looking at your calendars you may be thinking that The Holiday Channel will be off the air in August. Not so. Everyone has a birthday and we picked August to celebrate it. At the top of every hour we’re going to light the candles on the cake and sing a heart felt round of the birthday song. Better yet, each day of the week will showcase a different cake. Fridays will be chocolate. Yum. And what’s a birthday party without presents. Our gift table is piled high with colorfully wrapped presents of all sizes and shapes. Between the highly tasty cake sessions the audience will have a chance to view the packages. The gift table will rotate as cultural variations of the birthday song play in the background. Go ahead and guess what might be in the packages. At the end of the month a surprise guest will open the presents and you can see how close you were with your guesses. Don’t worry; we’ll clean up the mess.

September: Since Jerry Lewis has already cornered the market on the Labor Day celebration The Holiday Channel will instead treat viewers to the anxiously anticipated fall ritual known as Back to School. Every hour the bell will ring and via our camera you will be able to experience the rush of students as they move from class to class. Make sure you crank up the volume so you can hear all of the school-yard news that you missed over the summer. When the bells ring again, you’ll be in your seat for the lesson. English, Math, Reading, Science. We have them all lined up for you; a different lesson every day. And best of all, you’ll be at the front of the class.

In order to keep you on your toes, we’re going to throw in some random obstacles. At random intervals throughout the month students will show up in an attempt to collect your lunch money. Then our camera goes into warp drive as it moves you out of harms way and safely to the next class. Whew. That was close. Grab your seat and enjoy another lesson.