Happy Labor Day.
And since it is a holiday, I’ve come up with another prod based on those special days we choose to celebrate. This one is called . . . Holiday Mixer.
Take two holidays and mix them together to come up with an unusual setting or an unusual story. Pretty simple.
Instead of the normal story pitch that I do for this segment of my blog, I’ve decided to post a comedy bit I came up with using this very prompt. This was written in a style that was purposely over the top for Twisted Entertainment. Hope you enjoy it.
Ghosts of Turkies Past
The holiday season is upon us. It’s a time for traditions and celebrations. A time when we can do things for which we would normally be laughed at, or even locked up for doing any other time other time of the year. (And if that statement doesn’t really sum it all up then I don’t know what does.)
What if some of the cherished traditions of the holidays were switched? Tim Burton has already touched upon this theme with “A Nightmare Before Christmas” so there goes that particular combination. Fortunately, my mind has grabbed hold of the first big holiday of the season – Halloween – and put it with my personal favorite – Thanksgiving.
At once I imagined turkeys as the centerpieces for the haunted celebration. Can you think of anything spookier than giblet ghouls, turkey ghosts, and cranberry creepers? Well, I certainly can, not the least of which is my son’s bedroom floor.
Still, I think it has possibilities.
Millions of turkeys receive their death sentences each Thanksgiving, while we eagerly participate in the twin sins of sloth and gluttony. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that the basic script for about a quarter of the slasher flicks that
churns out? Here we have substituted the victimized college students with the Thanksgiving main event. Ask any member of PETA; turkeys are people too. In fact, some of my best friends are turkeys. (You can’t tell me you didn’t see that one coming.) Hollywood
In spiritual disarray, the victims of holiday slaughter rise up from their graves in landfills and compost heaps around the country. On skeletal drumsticks they shamble across the city seeking revenge on the humans that celebrated at their expense. In their wake, columns of rotting yams and slithering piles of cranberry sauce follow suit.
Imagine the scenes of people huddled inside their homes, waiting for dawn, in hope of outlasting the phantoms of previous feasts. I can hear the turkey bones scratching at the doors. I can see the cranberry ooze bubbling through the screen doors and vents.
Oh wait. That would be the movie version of the newly revised holiday. The actual celebration would go much differently.
Much like our current traditions for Halloween, we would dress up to confuse the edible haunts that rise on this day of the dead. Instead of vampires, mummies, and the hideously scary clown costumes, we would be dressed as our favorite food. Which for some wouldn’t be much of a change.
Others may choose to try and frighten the gastronomical spooks by decorating their homes as ovens and posting over-sized knives and forks in the yard. Or possibly even diverting the frenzied leftovers from their true targets by hanging effigies of pilgrims in their neighbor’s yard.
Once the dinner hour has passed, celebrants gather together and join in singing a slightly altered version of Grace; set to festive holiday music, these blessings on the food are intended to lay the disturbed entrees to rest. This can include forming a circle around the family’s garbage can and sprinkling it with Alka-Seltzer.
Afterwards, everyone participates in the Halloween Reasonable Snack that falls within the PETA approved guidelines. This usually consists of popcorn, buttered toast, and jelly beans.
There you have it, a turkey of a Halloween celebration.