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Ever wonder what it's like to be in that moment between struggling artist and published author? Read on and find out.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Interview with a Would-Be-Author

            Last week I pretended to interview my wife. This week, I thought it only fair for me to pretend to have my wife interview me. Here it is, again without any actual input from her, the interview of a would-be-author.

Randy: “Hey sweetie, I need someone to interview me for my blog?”

LuAnn: “How about Wednesday, three weeks from today?”

Randy: “Stop kidding around.”

LuAnn: “You already interviewed me.”

Randy: “Right. Now I need you to interview me so my readers can get the other side of the story. Go ahead, ask me a question.”

LuAnn: “Do you plan to take out the garbage any time soon?”

Randy: “As soon as the interview is over. Next question.”

LuAnn: “Couldn’t you have the kids ask you some questions?”

Randy: “I need a perceptive and poignant point of view.”

LuAnn: “So, they already told you they weren’t interested.”

Randy: “Absolutely not. I couldn’t find any of them.”

LuAnn: “How about your friends?”

Randy: “They said no. Heck, I can't even get them to read the blog.”

LuAnn: <Taking a deep breath and looking trapped.> “Sure. I’d love to interview you.”

Randy: “Excellent. Let’r rip.”

LuAnn: “What do you think the readers of your blog would want to know about you?”

Randy: “Probably the worthwhile insights about the writing profession that I’ve managed to pick up so far, along with an interesting tidbit that will reveal some of my personal nature.”

LuAnn: “And what would those be?”

Randy: “Since dialogue is one of my strengths, I would explain how it can be used to interweave conflict and backstory into a quick paced and exciting scene.”

LuAnn: “What else?”

Randy: “I love to interview my characters when I’m plotting a story because it helps me to really flesh them out fully and keep them from being two-dimensional, or boring stereo-types.”

LuAnn: “What about that interesting tidbit.”

Randy: “Well, that embarrassing story about when we got married would be right out. I’d never be able to show my face in public if everyone knew that. If I wanted wow them with my accomplishments, it would have to be the time Upper Deck offered an incredible amount of money to promote a game I designed. Or if I wanted to give them a deeper insight into who I am I could let them know how I turn everything into a story. I can’t tell about what happened at work, or how my dentist appointment went, without it becoming some sort of fantastic tale. Then again, it might be better to build a sense of camaraderie by retelling of one of my funnier moments. Like the time when my sister and I were playing hide-n-seek with our father and I kept pushing her out ahead of me because I knew my dad was going to jump out and scare us.”

LuAnn: “I think that should do it. Thanks for answering all my questions and thank you for the opportunity to interview you.”

Randy: “You’re most welcome. Are you sure you don’t want to ask me a few more questions?”

LuAnn: “I’m sure.” <As she bolts through the door.>

Randy: “Good. That completes this week’s blog. Now, I just have to figure what to do next time!

<Ponders if there’s a way to stretch out this phony interview scam for another couple of weeks.>


  1. HA! You crack me up.

  2. Nice one :-)

    And I'm interested in the game!

  3. Oh my goodness! Good job bringing the funny!

    My favorite question, "Do you plan to take out the garbage anytime soon?"

  4. Great interview, and great idea... I wonder if you really asked your wife to interview you, how close to the truth that would be!

  5. :-)

    Randy: “They said no. Heck, I can't even get them to read the blog.”

    Definitely my favourite line! And so true...though I do have a couple of lovely friends and family members who've subscribed, so they can keep tabs on me!

    Nice to meet you, Campaigner.

  6. Cute!! I, too, can relate to the "Heck, I can't even get them to read the blog" line - though it's my family that won't read it. They heartily support my writing ambitions, though, so I forgive them! ;-)

  7. Lol, hope that garbage got taking care of!

  8. Haha, great interview! I once walked through one of those haunted house deals at the mall and shoved my poor brother ahead of me whenever I saw a sign that someone was going to come out at us. By the time we got out, he was a blubbering mess. Poor little guy!

  9. Very fun! I love your answers! Good to get to know more about you. I hope Scott doesn't catch you tho. ;)