Interview with a Would-Be-Author

            Last week I pretended to interview my wife. This week, I thought it only fair for me to pretend to have my wife interview me. Here it is, again without any actual input from her, the interview of a would-be-author.

Randy: “Hey sweetie, I need someone to interview me for my blog?”

LuAnn: “How about Wednesday, three weeks from today?”

Randy: “Stop kidding around.”

LuAnn: “You already interviewed me.”

Randy: “Right. Now I need you to interview me so my readers can get the other side of the story. Go ahead, ask me a question.”

LuAnn: “Do you plan to take out the garbage any time soon?”

Randy: “As soon as the interview is over. Next question.”

LuAnn: “Couldn’t you have the kids ask you some questions?”

Randy: “I need a perceptive and poignant point of view.”

LuAnn: “So, they already told you they weren’t interested.”

Randy: “Absolutely not. I couldn’t find any of them.”

LuAnn: “How about your friends?”

Randy: “They said no. Heck, I can't even get them to read the blog.”

LuAnn: <Taking a deep breath and looking trapped.> “Sure. I’d love to interview you.”

Randy: “Excellent. Let’r rip.”

LuAnn: “What do you think the readers of your blog would want to know about you?”

Randy: “Probably the worthwhile insights about the writing profession that I’ve managed to pick up so far, along with an interesting tidbit that will reveal some of my personal nature.”

LuAnn: “And what would those be?”

Randy: “Since dialogue is one of my strengths, I would explain how it can be used to interweave conflict and backstory into a quick paced and exciting scene.”

LuAnn: “What else?”

Randy: “I love to interview my characters when I’m plotting a story because it helps me to really flesh them out fully and keep them from being two-dimensional, or boring stereo-types.”

LuAnn: “What about that interesting tidbit.”

Randy: “Well, that embarrassing story about when we got married would be right out. I’d never be able to show my face in public if everyone knew that. If I wanted wow them with my accomplishments, it would have to be the time Upper Deck offered an incredible amount of money to promote a game I designed. Or if I wanted to give them a deeper insight into who I am I could let them know how I turn everything into a story. I can’t tell about what happened at work, or how my dentist appointment went, without it becoming some sort of fantastic tale. Then again, it might be better to build a sense of camaraderie by retelling of one of my funnier moments. Like the time when my sister and I were playing hide-n-seek with our father and I kept pushing her out ahead of me because I knew my dad was going to jump out and scare us.”

LuAnn: “I think that should do it. Thanks for answering all my questions and thank you for the opportunity to interview you.”

Randy: “You’re most welcome. Are you sure you don’t want to ask me a few more questions?”

LuAnn: “I’m sure.” <As she bolts through the door.>

Randy: “Good. That completes this week’s blog. Now, I just have to figure what to do next time!

<Ponders if there’s a way to stretch out this phony interview scam for another couple of weeks.>