Norm of the North $$
PG
90 Minutes
Starring: Rob Schneider, Heather Graham, and Ken Jeong.
Directors: Trevor
Wall.
It’s pretty early to start talking
about the worst movie of the year. After all, we are barely halfway through
January. However, I have a feeling that Norm
of the North will be a strong contender for this dubious title.
The strongest impression I had while
watching Norm was that this wasn’t a movie at all—it’s a propaganda campaign
targeting the development of arctic wilderness areas. Don’t get me wrong, I
whole-heartedly support keeping the natural wonders of the world pristine. What
I don’t need is to be hit over the head, repeatedly, with heavy-handed
anti-development propaganda. Please, keep in mind that as an author I expect my
fellow writers to write what they are passionate about. I don’t mind a story
about a character wanting to keep their home safe from the ravagers of the
world. Just make sure you follow the usual steps for creating an entertaining
story.
It has been a long time since I have
been this miserable sitting through a film. Bring on Barney. Bring on My Little
Pony. But please, leave Norm where ever you found him.
This is how I rated Norm of the North.
1. Fun – No. The
only part of the film I enjoyed were the lemmings, but jokes about bodily
functions and jumping on furniture will only get you so far. Still, 90 minutes
of them would have been immeasurably more entertaining. What especially annoyed
me was the villain Mr. Greene (Ken Jeong) constantly screaming at everyone.
He’s actually worse than my two youngest boys—combined. I hesitantly gave Norm
half a MB for the lemmings and only the lemmings.
2. Story – What
story? I suppose there is a story idea at the heart of this fiasco, but there
is so much propaganda piled on top that I had a hard time appreciating it. And
really, the plot development was horrid. I gave Norm zero MB for story because
while there was a basic idea simply repeating the themes of
keep-the-arctic-pristine and developers-are-evil does not a story make.
3. Technical – The
animation was acceptable, but the editing moved the scenes along in a way that
I found juvenile—sort of like yanking string in front of a kitten. I gave it
half a MB for the animation.
4. Acting – I didn’t
even realize that Norm was voiced by Rob Schneider until I read the end
credits. None of the energy that I associate with the actor was there. And the
rest of the characters were bland – except Mr. Greene who was annoying with his
one-note yelling at every situation. Is this the fault of the writers or the
director or the actors or all of them combined? I’m not sure. Only the lemmings
stood out and they have no understandable lines. I gave zero MB for voice
uninspiring voice work.
If I only do one good deed this year
let it be the chance to prevent even a single person from seeing this film.
Then I can cheer at having improved the world in some minor way. By the
numbers, Norm of the North gets 1
Movie Buck which rates it as a rental, but I hate to even give that
recommendation. Children may enjoy the film—although my daughter did not.
Randy’s
Rating System
$$$$ =
Full Price See this movie right away
and pay full price, it’s worth it.
$$$ =
Matinee Catch this as a matinee or
other discounted showing.
$$ =
Discount Wait until this movie reaches
a discount theater near you.
$ =
Rental Wait until this movie
reaches your local video rental outlet.
0 =
No Sale Don’t
see this movie at any price.
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