Grumpy

NATIONAL GROUCH DAY

 

            This week, for your entertainment, I decided to write a piece of micro fiction based on the closest holiday. That just happened to be National Grouch Day. Go figure! Who wants to celebrate all the grouchiness in their lives? Then again, the question of how you would go about celebrating a holiday like this certainly jump started my creative center.

            In honor of all the grouchy people in the world I present:

 

 

MR. GROUCH

 

            Bill Muffel sat at his assigned table, in an uncomfortable chair, with the remains of a meal that had not only been bland, but served by incompetents. He was surprised that the food actually made reached the table instead of landing in his lap. And then there was the matter of his dining companions that could be summed up in one word - IDIOTS.

            All-in-all this whole affair was nonsense. Who ever heard of giving out an award for Grouch of the Year? He half expected to see the room filled of furry-green puppets popping out of garbage cans. Instead, there was a cornucopia of curmudgeons sitting at the tables, one more sour-faced than the next. Why the organizers of this event had invited him, he couldn’t imagine.
            Finally, a thin man with a face that could curdle milk stepped up to the podium. He cleared his voice—about a dozen times—until the room settled down. All the while his baleful glare panned the crowd as if daring anyone to talk.
            “Let’s get this over with,” he barked. “Aren’t you all so very impressed to have been invited to the first annual Grouch awards?”
            The room rumbled with unhappy responses to the question.
            “Eh, pipe down,” said the emcee. “It was a rhetorical question. I don’t really care what any of you think. Now, don’t interrupt me again. The sooner you let me finish the sooner I can get out of here.”
            A murmur of consent coursed through the room. Bill nodded his head in response to the first sensible thing he’d heard all day. If Mr. No-Personality could just deliver on his promise, Bill could make it home in time to watch the last half of This Loser’s Life; the only true to life show on television.
          “This year” the emcee continued, “the award goes to Bill Muffet for apparently being the biggest pain in the neck that Phoenix has ever seen. The awards committee put together a list of accomplishments that earned him the award, but if I read all of it my ice cream will melt before I can finish it. Just know that Mr. Muffet has been a grade-A grump to all his neighbors and coworkers.”
          The wait staff clapped at the announcement. The attendees just turned in their chairs, looking for the winner, their faces even gloomier than before.

Since the people at his table had already started pointing at him he decided that the only way to get out of here in a reasonable amount of time was to go up and accept the award. He stood and stomped up front, thinking along the way that the awards committee must be made up of individuals of low intelligence and brooding temperament.

The award itself was a cheap wood plank, with a garbage green unhappy face on it, and the word “Grouch” printed in big bold, red letters. If they were going to perpetrate a face like this the least they could do is spend more than a buck and a half on the award.

Bill snagged the Grouch plaque out of the emcee’s hands and leaned towards the microphone. “Thanks, for nothing,” he grumbled. Then he marched back to his seat, ignoring the cacophonous sounds of booing and hissing that came from the crowd.

The emcee moved back up to the microphone and clearly announced, “That’s it. Now, go home!”

 

Movie Review - Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2   $$$     

 

PG

95 Minutes

Starring: Bill Hader, Anna Faris, James Caan, Terry Crews, and William Forte.  

Director: Cody Cameron, and Kris Pearn.

 

            The previews of this film had me at “Taco-dile Supreme.” Okay, I’m not saying that it was a difficult task to convince me to see this movie, because I really loved the first one. I just wanted to say, “taco-dile supreme.”

            In the first movie, Flint Lockwood (Bill Hader) created a machine that turned water into food. That made quite a mess of their island home and everyone was asked to relocate while clean-up efforts were underway. For Flint this means a job with his childhood idol – Chester V (William Forte).

            Eventually, Flint and his friends are sent back to the island to help Chester V’s people. When they arrive they find that Flint’s machine has started making living food, which they call—foodimals. They must weave their way through a food jungle filled with shrimpanzees and apple pythons in order to find the machine and turn it off.  

            I enjoyed the movie, but found that over the weekend I had a hard time remember what film I had gone to see. So it didn’t leave a very powerful impression on me. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 earned 3 Movie Bucks. This is how it rated in each of the areas.            

            1. Fun – Excellent. I laughed a lot. Terry Crews did an excellent job as police officer Earl Devereaux (formerly voiced by Mr. T). The rest of the characters carried forth with the same comedy and antics that they used in the original film. It was very fun and earned a full MB in this area.  

            2. Story – Even though I liked the direction they went with the story, it felt like Jurassic Park in an animated food venue. The characters failed to take on any new dimension in this film, with the possible exception of the revelation of Chester V as Flint’s childhood hero. I also felt that this script fell far short of developing an emotional connection with the characters. Overall, the story was extremely weak and it earned Zero MB in this area.  

            3. Technical – The animation was great. It earned a full MB for the delivering one beautiful scene after another. Visually, a very effective film.  

            4. Acting – Excellent. All of the characters were funny and in family animation features like this that’s what counts. It earned a full MB, but please keep in mind that a rating like this indicates a lack of horrible acting and not and indication of Oscar winning performances.  

            I recommend seeing Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 as a matinee or even at a discount theater. The kids will enjoy it and you might too. 

 

                        Randy’s Rating System 

$$$$   = Full Price    See this movie right away and pay full price, it’s worth it.

$$$     = Matinee      Catch this as a matinee or other discounted showing.

$$        = Discount     Wait until this movie reaches a discount theater near you.

$          = Rental         Wait until this movie reaches your local video rental outlet.

0          = No Sale       Don’t see this movie at any price.

 

Turkey Talk

            This week I have another piece of micro-fiction as part of the prompt over at Chasing Revery. By now you should know how this works. Carrie K Sorensen posts a picture on her website along with five words to use in the piece of fiction that is written. The picture is below and this weeks words are: System, Quarry, Ant, Bible, and Artillery.

 

 

TURKEY TALK

      
            “All right,” shouted Big Tom, “let’s bring this meeting to order.”
            “Meeting,” said Tom354, “I thought we were just hanging out, you know, talking turkey and such.”
            “I thought this was the lunch line,” said Tom92.
            “Well,” said Big Tom, “you’re both wrong. This here is the first meeting of the revolution and I need all of you to shut your traps so that I can talk.”
            “Don’t you mean, cork our gobblers?” asked Tom719.
            “Whatever,” said Big Tom. “The important point is that we begin plans to overthrow the system. We are declaring war on Thanksgiving.”
            The crowd flapped their wings and gobbled with excitement.    
            “How are we going to do that?” asked Tom 560.
            “By bringing out the heavy artillery,” said Big Tom. “We’ll show men what it feels like to be the quarry.”
            “What’s artillery?” asked Tom560.
            “This here thing I’m standing on is artillery,” said Big Tom.
            “It looks like an old car to me,” said Tom719.
            “Yeah, Big Tom,” said Tom413, “I’m pretty sure that’s a car.”
            “Of course, it’s a car,” Big Tom stomped his claw on the hood. “I’m talking meteorologically here.”
            “Oh,” said Tom22, “that explains it.”
            Tom22 leaned over to Tom283 and said, “It don’t really explain his plan, but I didn’t want to upset him by saying so.”
            Tom283 gobbled in agreement. And so did Tom37, Tom136, Tom340, and Tom568. From there the gobbles spread out like a wave of ants descending on a picnic.
            “What are you planning on doing with a car?” asked Tom719.
            “We’re going to drive it down to the courthouse and protest,” said Big Tom.
            “Protest what?” asked Tom560.  
            “You bird-brain,” said Big Tom. “We’re going to protest them serving us up for dinner every Thanksgiving. Important people drive cars and when they see all of us inside this fine motoring machine they’ll have to rethink their holiday plans. Can’t you just picture us cruising down Main Street in this thing?”
            “You really think that will work?” asked Tom500.
            “I’d swear it on a stack of Bibles,” said Big Tom. “Everyone get inside.”
            The entire farm exploded with excited gobbles. Turkeys flapped in through the open windows of the rusted-out jalopy. When the interior wouldn’t hold any more they climbed on top, covering the roof, trunk, and hood.
            Then when they were all settled Tom719 asked, “Who’s going to drive?”